Hi; It’s Shannon Again.
Once upon a time, Christmas reminded me of family. Family time at my Grandparents’ house for at least a week leading up to Christmas. Family time baking with Mom –or staying out of her way while she baked, emerging way too often to obtain the illusive ball(s) of cookie dough. Family gatherings on Christmas Eve. Family time on Christmas Day. Family day at my Dad’s on Boxing Day. It was magical. It made Christmas my favorite time of the year. Yes, presents are always a nice thing too, but I’ve always loved giving, and I’ve always loved family time. That was always the ultimate gift.
The Christmas before my Grandfather passed away, was when things started crumbling. There was tension and sadness. And in many ways, I’ve never gotten over his loss. As is to be expected. After my Grandmother passed away a few years later, that line of the family basically died. Things were said, hurts happened, and forgiveness never came. Some of the magic of Christmas faded a little bit more.
Within the past couple of years, my Father stopped talking to me as well. Add to that our marriage and the “need” to please not just my family, but my husband’s too, and then you get where I’m at this year. I just don’t care. Well no; I do care. I want to care. But the whole family thing? Unless it’s my own unit of four family members.. I don’t care.
This year is a little tougher. My husband’s job is coming to an end at the end of the week. He took a leap of faith and accepted a job within his field back in September, but in doing so, left behind the security of an unenjoyable job that provided benefits (but wasn’t what he studied for or wanted to do). Now, this Wednesday he has an interview and I am praying VERY hard that things go through with that. All that being said, so far, this Christmas season is being riddled with stress, strain, and unhappiness.
We have two young children. One of whom is very smart, and may figure things out regarding the whole Santa Claus mystery. He’s already pointed out a few things this year. I don’t want to ruin their Christmas with my dreariness, so my goal is to make things merry and magical for them.
Because ultimately, the MAGIC of Christmas doesn’t come from a red sack or a toy shop; it doesn’t come from a fat, jolly old elf; it doesn’t come from your family, or even a church. I believe it comes from within. From what you believe in. Your faith. Your hope. If you’re wearing grey lensed glasses, everything loses color.